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Thursday, August 24, 2006


Thirteen books I never finished reading--and why

1. Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep. Indeed, it was.

2. Even though I have amassed three copies of The United Auto Workers Union Constitution, I keep getting confused about the difference between a “local” and a “unit.” Isn’t a unit something you belong to in the army? Why would a labor union want me to join the army?

3. Toni Morrison’s Jazz. I tried, but I was on vacation at a resort on the North Shore (of Lake Superior) and the lights went out.

4. Parlor Cats, a picture book by Cynthia Hare, et al, was just too frou-frou.

5. Reading Steve Erickson’s Arc d’X was like falling into a black hole and I was afraid that that was the point.

6. Orhan Pamuk’s My Name is Red: okay, I’m still working on this, but so far the fragmented points of view are confusing: one chapter is titled “I am a gold coin.”

7. Larousse Gastronomique. It’s an encyclopedia, so maybe that doesn’t count.

8. Gravity’s Rainbow grossed me out with it’s s**t-eating scene.

9. Writing for the Corporate Market made me remember why I became a freelancer—to escape bureaucracy.

10. The Bible. Lost my religion.

11. Great Expectations: the book review was due before I finished, so I improvised.

12. Jacques Derrida, Of Grammatology: I dropped out of grad school and got a job before I finished it.

13. Pure Drivel, by Steve Martin, made me laugh till I fell over.
"Most vulnerable are writers who work in short, choppy sentences," said a spokesperson for Times Roman, who continued, "We are trying to remedy the situation and have suggested alternatives, like umlauts, since we have plenty of umlauts--and, in fact, have more umlauts than we could possibly use in a lifetime!”

Then my nephew stole the book from me and wouldn’t give it back.



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