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Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Squirrel cults on my thingpoddy

Yo, cats and catted ones! Darcy here.

You know you're going over the edge when you get your kicks by goggling around on your thingpoddy, looking for black squirrels.

I must of been in the feline spa too long. I've got fur as soft as a baby's fluff, and my mind was getting as calm at Dharma's. (Remember Dharma? That Buddhist cat who lives in my thingpoddy? He's got a new blog, by the way. Very cool. Go pay him a visit at Philosophy with Fur. ) Ah--where was I?

Oh, yeah. I don't feel right when I'm calm, so I busted out of the feline spa--not to be confused with Dragonheart's Katzenpension--only to find out that old Katz scooped me on the Black Squirrel Cult thing.

Well, I gotta tell you, that's just the tip of the proverbial iceberg: squirrels are infesting the old thingpoddy. The pesky little rodents just won't go away. I mean, how about the chocolate-stealing squirrel that's been hitting on a Finnish supermarket for weeks?

But probably the biggest squirrel invasion of the last few years is over at iLLWiLL PreSS, where you can knock yourself out watching flash cartoons about Foamy the Squirrel. Foamy is one scary squirrel. He lives with a goth woman named Germaine, and basically he likes to rant about stuff--mostly the stupid stuff that humans do. One of the tamer rants: humans did a study that proved "most accidents occur at home," and most home accidents happen in the bathroom. (Which is probably why I hate water so much, but never mind that.) A lot of the stuff Foamy rants about is full of profanity, so I wouldn't send your little humans over there. (Yeah, I know, as soon as I said that I lost all the kids under 14.) Foamy's current rant is about respect for the dead.

Old Foamy's got a plan for total world domination, too. He started a cult that worships him--called the "Foaminian Cult"--and he tries to get "donations" for his cult. He took Germaine's underwear and sold it on Ebay to raise money for his cult. He has also gone into the park to sing his "Squirrel Songs" for donations.

Foamy has a sort of sidekick, known as The Hatta (a.k.a Leroy), who is a black squirrel. Both The Hatta and Foamy have squeaky squirrel voices, but The Hatta sort of tries to sound like a stereotypical black dude. I told ya it was politically incorrect, didn't I?

Well, anyway, I'm glad to be back in town, where I can maybe get up a posse to hunt down the black squirrels. Meantime, I'm outta here.

Darcy X

P.S. The Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos is up at Pet's Garden Blog. And do you know the theme song yet? Take that, you Black Squirrels!

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