Catymology

Generally speaking, I'm an honest cat. I make sure amanuensis pays my bills on time, and I even signed up to pay taxes on the $2.39 that I've earned so far from having those pesky ads on my blog. (Has anyone bought any Spam from Amazon yet, by the way? You'd better hurry up; it's going fast.)

Ahem. Where was I? Oh, yes. Under the table. It's one of my favorite napping spots. And you never know what you will find under there, either. Once I found a live mouse. At least it was live when I found it.

So, you see, I'm not above doing business under the table. What I'd really like to know, though, is why Ebay thinks I'd want to buy some under-the-table merchandise. And what about those fishy websites that offer to pay me under the table? Do they think that I don't have a Social Security number?

Oh, right. I don't have a Social Security number, but I'm working on it. There's a guy who can get me one if I give him some cash--under the table, naturally. Then I can get a real job, like maybe selling knock-off catnip mice--you, know the ones filled with oregano--to innocent kittens.

I guess for now I'll stick with my job as a product tester, for which so far I've received over $15 worth of Fresh Step Scoopable Clumping Cat Litter (New and Improved!) with Odor-Eliminating Carbon. Fortunately, that's not under the table. It's in the litter box.

Seriously, this is pretty good litter. It has a bit of a perfumey smell, but I don't mind that. It doesn't make a lot of dust, and when it gets wet, it clumps up really hard, so my humans don't have to work too hard to clean it up. And the waste doesn't smell much at all, even when it's been sitting in a little plastic bag inside the garbage for a couple of days. I can recommend it.

If any other nice marketing folks out there want to engage in cat-driven marketing, I'd be glad to test their products for them. Treats and toys would be my top choices. Just leave a comment or drop me an email.

Now, hurry on over to the Friday Ark and see what all the critters are doing. Then, on Sunday, take a break from July 4th festivities with the Carnival of the Cats at Watermark.

Tags: catymology cats marketing kitty litter

Mark Rayner's description of this week's entries in the skwib » The Carnival of Satire (#40) is on target: "Welcome to the 40th Carnival of Satire, where we have satire that’s transcendent, transhuman (including the transpapal), transgendered and, we hope, transgressive."

I'll have to get Darcy to read this. It's right up his alley.

Here's a heart-warming story from Cat World archives about the lengths to which one human went to help feral kittens. Cats Protection is an English charity that has saved thousands of cats. Thanks to amanuensis' friend Ken Wachsberger for sending this in! And do check out the header on Ken's web site, which includes a picture of Ken, his wife Emily, and their feline friend, as well as news about his books.

Marie Macauley of Falkirk was very scared of cats until May 1999, when her seven-year-old daughter wanted to get a cat. They ended up getting a cat and kitten from the Cats Protection Cardyke Shelter, near Glasgow and during the process, Marie found she really enjoyed being at the shelter and actually liked cats!
Then she heard Cardyke was looking for feral kitten fosterers, so decided to give it a try, as she had just finished a fashion design course and was not working.

Since becoming a fosterer, she has turned Cardyke's hissiest and spittiest kittens into gentle and affectionate cats that have been successfully rehomed into domestic environments. She has a real talent for this work and believes it to be her calling in life, despite her earlier fears about cats. Marie has also taught herself a lot about feral kittens by reading up about them.

She has kept for herself two of the six kittens she has fostered so far and thinks they are more loving and sociable than her domestic cats. Of these three pairs of kittens, two were eight weeks old when she got them and four were three months old.

Marie believes her secret is to give the kittens lots of time and to take things at their pace. She is not into hurrying or forcing their 'domestication'.

Things are taken a stage at a time, with the kittens kept in their cage at first, just getting used to her presence. She starts by sitting and talking to them and playing with a toy on a string, so they are not encouraged to bite or scratch her hands.

Then Marie puts her hand into the cage and strokes the kittens, before the next stage of lifting them out to hold them, stroke and brush them. Once used to being handled, they are allowed out of the cage to roam around.

This amazing 'cat-woman', as Cats Protection call her, has been given progressively more difficult kittens to foster and still manages to 'turn them round' in a week or two. She takes them back to Cardyke after about four weeks when they are then up for rehoming. Obviously going back to a shelter can be a bit traumatic for them but all her foster-cats have been rehomed very quickly. They even manage to integrate well with other members of her family and her two other cats.

Don't forget to donate to your favorite animal welfare charity!

The cutest little critters you ever saw--and smart too!
Carnival of the Vanities #197-- Lil Duck Duck: "On to the carnival! First, we worked long into the night, gathering all your submissions so that nothing would be forgotten (hey, ducks make mistakes too…).

Then, we had a crazy party, which tired out Mama Duck so much that she let us, the lowly playthings of Lil’ Duck, take care of writing this carnival, with a little help from Lil’ Duck himself. *insert evil duck laughter here*"

Yo, cats and catted ones,

While my brother-in-mischief Aloysius takes the day off, I got onto his thingpoddy and found some pretty strange stuff. You heard where he's testing that new kitty litter, right? So is Laurence Simon over at his bloggy. I figure cat-driven marketing is the wave of the future. And at least one other marketing guru thinks so too, making big noise about "A Nat Cat-driven marketplace." I'd point you over there, but it's set to dump a file on your thingpoddy, so goggle it yourself, if you don't mind a little desktop litter.

Anyway, after I hijacked the thingpoddy, I got curious about the outfit that sent that free kitty litter to test. Do you want to make your thingpoddy sound like a cat? Then get on over to their webby page, and download some free alert sounds. I set mine to "hiss" when I get new mail, and to "purr" when I do something bad. Why? Cause it's fun, and it confuses the humans.

Speaking of humans, Michele and Michael raved over Frisky's post about Maddie and her family.

John: If you accept the cat into your life then you are the one responsible for it. Your cat is a wonderful creature, but there's a lot that it can't do for itself, and you're the one who has to get it done. One other thing: you have to learn to read your cat. Lots of times it won't show affection in ways that we humans have learned to read, but that doesn't mean it's not there. When your cat sits down by you, and turns it's back on you, think about the fact that a naturally loner-sort-of-predator has turned it's back on you, a much-larger-higher-up-the-food-chain-sort-of-predator. That's an act of trust and affection from a cat, not aloof disregard. Keep that in mind and you'll do well.

And that's how things are going in my family, too, which is why you haven't heard much about Michele and Michael lately. Goodness is so boring!

Yo, cats and catted ones. I've finally got my own email addy and my own spambox. I'll be posting here at Catymology Central from time to time.

If it’s Tuesday, this must be Spam: I know it's Monday, but you can still read this on Tuesday.

Since Darcy announced the big Virtual Spam Supper, we’ve received a lot of one or two spam emails here at Catymology Central. The gist of these messages is: What?

Let me explain.

The Virtual Spam Supper is where you send in a post about Spam or spam. Spam with a captial S is the tasty Hormel meat product in a can, and little-s spam, is, you know, spam email. Here are some suggested categories:

• Recipes
• Photos
• Poems
• Jokes
• Rants
• Other

If you need inspiration, here’s a link to a recipe from Food TV’s recipe archives: Sam's Spam Schnitzel with Truffleyaki Sauce over Kim Chee Fried Rice. Chef Sam Choy will actually be preparing this dish on Emeril Live, in an episode to be broadcast June 27; that’s tomorrow! According to Darcy, Chef Choy is really big in the restaurant scene on Oahu. (Judging from his publicity photo, Chef Choy is really big in number of ways. That's cool, though. More goodness to go around.)



More inspiration: a spam-poem entitled "Honor be to Mudjekeewis!" by Geoff Nunberg, which starts off:

In my in-box, every morning,
Greetings from a slew of spammers,
Each, to fool the filters, using
In the header and the body,
Random lines from "Hiawatha":
"And the fierce Kabibonokka"
(Get your clearitol and cum pills); . . .

Seems like a number of spammers have adopted a quasi-Hiawatha theme. I just checked my spambox, and it's true! And so I say:

I live here in Hiawatha’s
Little corner of the city,
In the land of Gitche Gumee,
Near the falls of Minnehaha.
While I love trochaic rhythms,
Pussyfooting down the pages,
I deplore the spammers’ snitching
From the poet Longfellow!

A woman wrote in to a syndicated advice columnist asking what to do about her boyfriend's close relationship with his cats. The engaged couple plans to move in together, but she's worried. He really enjoys sleeping with his two cats, but she says that they wake her up repeatedly at night. She wants to ban the cats from the bedroom.

The columnist gave a standard answer of the "all relationships involve compromise" variety. But many cats and catted ones have faced this problem. Has anyone asked the cats what they think?

In my opinion, banning the cats from the bedroom, when they have been used to sleeping with their human, will only result in their sitting outside the bedroom all night, whining and beating their paws on the door. Next, they'll have to be locked in the basement or another secure room at night. Next thing you know, the cats will probably do what any sensible feline would do--consider emigrating to a home where they are loved and can sleep curled up against their humans every night.

When we first wrote about the marriage of Darcy Xenophon and his humans, Michele and Michael, many of you thought that it was a spoof. But the truly catted humans understand that if you really love the animals you live with, you consider them members of your family. The young woman who wants to live with her catted boyfriend should understand that when you marry a catted one, you marry the whole family.

Hey, fellow felines, do you have an opinion? How can this relationship be saved?

So, the nice lady with the weird job title, "competitive intelligence specialist," shipped me a box via UPS. Hmm, let me see what's in there. Oh. Looks like more boxes.

Amanuensis schlepped the boxes down to the basement, where I have my own bathroom suite. Now I have to start working, I guess. I'm to be a consumer product tester.

Really, it's a humble job, but even a literary cat with an M.F.A. has to moonlight sometimes to help pay the bills.

I'll let you know how it works out.

This Canadian blogger is a sensitive writer and a gifted photographer. And the resident feline, Mademoiselle Loulou, is beautiful, too.

Au fil du temps / As time goes by: février 2006: "As time goes by, our self-image, the story we tell ourselves regarding our own life and the lives of our loved one, none of those are ever definitive versions. They are constantly being rescrambled, rewritten, enriched. People around us are born, raised, grow old, die, come and go into our lives, and they all change us. Places too change us, where we've been, where we hang, what we long for. And so does music that we listen to, books we read, cultures we encounter. Isn't our vision of the world perpetually under construction ?"

We have a lot in common, Loulou and I. Check out the photo of her with her computer!

I've been catching up on my research, and today I have some exciting stories to tell about the great panther, also known as "the white lion."

Whether you call him catamount, cougar, mountain lion, puma, or panther, the great cat of North America is an impressive figure. American Indians turned the panther into a legendary figure, personifying him—or her—as a warrior-sorcerer. And some of them named themselves after the panther:

In his history of the Erie people, Lee Sultzman explains that “Erie is a short form of the Iroquian word 'Erielhonan' meaning literally 'long tail' and referring to the panther (cougar or mountain lion). Hence their French name was Nation du Chat (cat nation). Their other Iroquoian names - Awenrehronon and Rhilerrhonon (Rhierrhonon) - carry the same meaning."

And as many other sources point out, Lake Erie was known to the French as Lac du Chat. The panther, who sometimes lived underwater, reminds me of Missipeshu, the great cat whom the Ojibwe pictured as living in the depths of Lake Superior.

An academic study of panther images* says that for the Seneca, the panther is “ the great white lion man-being, alter ego of the meteor/comet man-being.” The same book recounts the Huron-Wyandot story about a young warrior who calls himself “White Lion” and flies through the air “like a blaze.” On a darker note, I learned that the Seneca spoke of the “Death Panther,” a tall warrior with a sky-blue body, who also appears as a blue panther, flying high in the treetops, his tail shooting flames. This panther also lives at the bottom of a deep lake.

If you are lucky, the panther might let you have a bit of its fur or blood, or a token—a round white stone—as a charm to give you potency as a lover, hunter and warrior.

Unlike the fierce panthers of mythology, real panthers are reclusive, preferring to hunt deer and stay away from humans. And not all mythical panthers are warlike, either. Here’s an Iroquois tale about a female panther who rewards a kind human:

ONCE, in a Seneca village, a party of men was preparing to go on a hunting expedition. In that village was a young man whom people thought was foolish, not strong of mind. He knew that hunters were getting ready for an expedition and he went to one and another and asked to go with them, but no one would let him go.

After the hunters started a young woman took pity on the young man, went to him, and said, "Let us marry and go hunting." He was willing. They started off together and after going some distance camped in the forest. The man couldn't find any big game, but he killed squirrels and small game. He made traps to catch deer and put them down where he thought deer would come.

One morning, when the young man went to look at his traps, he heard some one crying; the sound came nearer and nearer. Soon he saw a woman and two little boys. The woman was crying.

As she came up she said to the young man, "Help me, or we will be killed. One of my little boys stole a feather and pulled it to bits and we are going to be killed for it. I want you to shoot the hawk on that tree over there and when the person comes whose feather my little boy took, throw the hawk at him and call out, 'Here is your feather!'"

The man killed the hawk and no sooner had he done so then he heard a terrible roar and noise, and trees began to fall. A man came and stood on a close-by tree. This man had enormous eyes and long hair, and that was all there was of him--just a great head without a body. The young man threw the hawk at him, and said, "Here is your feather." The Head caught it, said, "Thank you," and was satisfied.

The woman was a panther and the children were her cubs, but to the young man she appeared to be a real woman. She told him that she lived among the rocks and that the Head (Whirlwind) was her neighbor. While he was away from home, her little boy went to his cabin, found his feathers and spoiled one of them. When Whirlwind came home he was angry and chased her.

She told the young man that she knew he was poor, that no man would hunt with him, and she said, "Hereafter I will help you and you will get more game than any of the hunters, I do this because you saved me and my boys."

After that the young man killed more game than any other hunter in the village.**

footnotes:

*George R. Hamell, “Long-Tail: The panther in Huron-Wyandot and Seneca myth, ritual and material culture,” in Icons of Power: Feline Symbolism in the Americas, Nicholas J. Saunders, editor (Routlege, 1998).

**This is one of the many Seneca myths collected by Jeremiah Curtin (1922).

If you're venturing out to sea, be sure to board the Friday Ark for more animal tales--and tails. And on Sunday, it's the Carnival of the Cats at Pets Garden Blog.

Tags: catymology cats panther mythology

Labels: legendary felines

Wouldn't you like to see a picture of tigers playing with a REALLY BIG catnip toy? Me, too! Unfortunately, there's no photo accompanying this item from the newsletter of the Wildcat Sanctuary:

DuckyWorld Products is making a natural catnip filled toy just for big cats. But their company also makes great, catnip toys for our companion felines. Visit http://www.duckyworld.com/ to learn more. We asked Kevin Duck how he came up with this concept and here was his reply:

'It is a curious challenge. I know how our regular type house cats are affected by our Yeowww! brand toys and I get a lot of satisfaction out of the fact that by using the best catnip I could have grown for us and using a lot of it in toys, it was what people around the world have been wanting. Catnip toys, when I started DuckyWorld 10 years ago, were all fuzz filled and a sprinkle of catnip or mix. It is not so expensive to fill a toy and it is just a good healthy treat for them.

I was curious to see if it would work on big cats as I knew know one was making toys for them. I first approached the Minnesota Zoo who said to test a toy on a big cat, it would first have to go before a review board for approval. If approved, a fee would be attached for testing. I understand that as they have costs and liabilities. We are a small company and while we do sell globally, we are now responsible for a small number of humans that make all those toys available. I could not afford to test this big cat toy in this arena. I was talking with my good friend Trisha, owner of Urbanimal in Minneapolis on Lyndale Ave. Trisha told me about Tammy Quist and her efforts with the big cats. [Quist is the director of the Wildcat Sanctuary.]

What a great idea, that day I contacted Tammy. The rest is more than I could have ever asked for. We have more than enough big cats now who not only love but look like they are deriving great pleasure from our original big cat toy. Remember, I get great satisfaction from that. They do not seem to bunny kick in the first tests but instead...and sometimes in groups of 3, rubbing all over the toy. It is really unbelievable. Maybe bunny kicking comes on the second date! Wheeeee...

The toy is still in development but is natural, safe, and it keeps them entertained and thinking dreamy thoughts. It is substantial in size for the big cats. We will be naming the first toys Meme's toy. The final name will be up to Tammy. We will tell you more soon.

I like the fact that anything we can do as humans to help these cats be happy is a small price to pay. These cats have needed rescue. Tammy is there to save them. She loves them so much and any person lucky enough to go out there can see it. We do this because we thought of it. The pain of not doing anything would be greater.

For crying out loud...Let the kitties have a little YEOWWW! back in their lives. Also, catnip is not intoxicating. Just good ol' fun. They need to be safe, pain free and happy...we all do!'

Kevin Duck
DuckyWorld Products, Inc.

I'm going to write to Mr. Duck and see if he's got any pictures to share. YEOWWW!

Tags: catymology cats catnip tigers

If I'd been at Stonehenge, this is what I could have seen.

I'm rolling over with joy: K T Cat has invited me to join The Feline Theocracy and dubbed me "Poet Laureate." Read about it here:
The Scratching Post: The Feline Theocracy Grows Ever Stronger!

And the Best of Me Symphony -- a really cool weekly compilation of self-nominated best posts over 60 days old -- has amanuensis' post on the Church of Catymology.


Now the question remains: can I actually put that mortarboard on my head?

1…. How do you pronounce Aloysius? I covered this extensively in an earlier post. For the record, it's "Al-o-wish-us."

2.... What kind of cat are you? My humans say I look like a Birman. Other humans say I look like a Ragdoll.

3.... What's your favorite blog? Other than my own blog, of course, I have amanuensis read Language Log for me every day. Especially since they kindly linked to my post about the Four Subjects of Catblogging.

4.... Are cats better than dogs? A lot of humans ask this, judging by how many times they're drawn to this blog after googling the question. Cats don't need to ask, of course. See my explanation.

5.... What's a Pangur Ban? Pangur Ban is a famous Gaelic poem about a scholarly monk and his cat. I've reworked the English translation here.

6.... Who is amanuensis? My private secretary, a human with too much time on her hands.

7.... Do you snore? I've never stayed awake to find out. It's easy to confuse a really deep purr with a snore.

8.... What's Darcy Xenophon doing on your blog? Beats me. He just showed up one day. My best guess is that he's a figment of amanuensis' imagination. I understand that when she was a little girl, she made up some stories in which there were several good cats, the Katzens, and one really Bad Cat. Guess who's who.

9.... Are you a real cat? Yes, and I also play one on this blog.

10.... What's your favorite book? That's a tough one. I do review books from time to time, and I usually pick only the ones I love. T.S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats is one of my all-time favorites.

11.... Where did you get your M.F.A.? From Walden University. They specialize in online instruction.

12.... What is Catymology? Catymology is an art, a social science, a philosophy, and a religion, all rolled into one.

13.... What's in that box?





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Check out all the cats, dogs, and other pets at the Modulator's Friday Ark.
On Sunday, click on over to Mind of Mog for the Carnival of the Cats.

Tags: catymology cats catnip Thursday Thirteen

K T Cat of The Scratching Post: explains What is the Feline Theocracy?:

"The Feline Theocracy has always been with us and always shall be with us. Cats domesticated people thousands of years ago when we head bumped some primitive human and wound our furry little bodies this way and that between his legs as he was carrying groceries into the cave. Of course, he tripped and fell down the slope in front of the cave, spilling the groceries and twisting his ankle, but we accepted this tribute nonetheless and gladly lapped up the wildebeest milk that emerged from a cracked gourd he had dropped. His wife fell in love with us right away and thus we gained our human servants."

Oh, KT! Why did I not consult you sooner? I'm linking to your site right now, and I look forward to many more posts like those you hunted down in your weekly roundup.

I hear about some weird promotions from time to time, but this one takes the kibble: a cat food purveyor is sponsoring a show on Animal Planet, Meow Mix House, starting June 16 at 9 p.m. EST. The premise: a bunch of cats from around the country compete in a reality-style program, and viewers vote for their favorite cat. You can also catch their catcams and view episodes on the web. Too bad they didn't ask for a contestant from Minnesota. I'd gladly have paid to send Darcy X.

On another, more personal note, Catymology Central received a nice note from a marketing professional offering to ship us free samples of kitty litter. After googling her on my iMac (I don't know where Darcy gets that thingpod reference) I found out she was hired as a "competitive intelligence specialist." This has got to be the coolest job title since "viral marketing specialist." But can a mere human compete on Meow Mix House? I think not.

Even though Aloysius convinced Darcy to get his own email address and stay out of Aloysius' spambox, we haven't yet been able to figure out how to make Darcy a member of our team. So once again, I'm posting this on behalf of Darcy X.

Katz beat me to it, announcing just hours ago that the First Church of Catymology will hold its first annual Spam Supper. But the devil's in the details, you know?

The big news Katz forgot is that ths Spam Supper is going to be a virtual feast, taking place right here at Catymology, and all you blogging cats and catted ones are invited.

I know, I know, my cats and catted ones, you think I’ve got Spam on the brain, and maybe you’re right. Ever since I tucked into that Spam Musubi in Honolulu, I’ve been a little drunk. I’m wondering, yo, do Hormel humans put catnip in their secret recipe?

It’s also been pointed out to me in a gazillion ways this past week that the whole Spam thing is, so to say, overdone, especially since the Broadway musical Spamalot hit the boards. Strictly speaking, I get that, but—yowl—I’m a cat. And if you’ve ever watched any of my feline tribe-mates hunting and seeking, then you know we all have the same philosophy. In a nutshell:


Coincidentally, over at Aunt Hattie’s House-o-Spam, right next door in sunny Saint Paul, Minn., repetition is no problem. I’ve been getting’ my fill. Aunt Hattie, a jolly human with a big refrigerator, favors the down-home recipes your momma might have served:

Breakfast: Spam on a bagel, Spam frittata, Fried spam and eggs

Lunch: Open-faced Spamwich, Spam Reuben sandwich, Spam with biscuits and red-eye gravy

Dinner gets a big more gourmet: Spam Wellington, Spam ala Orange, Pommes de Terre Sucres avec Spam en Casserole

After a couple weeks of this kind of vittles, I still can’t get enough Spam. So, I called in help. To say the truth, I’m still a tad offended by Professor Katz’s comment about my head in the litterbox, but I’m letting that slide cause I need his expertise. "Brother Katz," I said, "get out of the rose bush and get on that thingpod you goggle around on and find me some real gourmet Spam receipts."

That Katz, he’s got the life. Sitting under, and sometimes on top of, the roses! Soon as we’ve got the menu and the prizes set, we’ll announce the date for the big Virtual Spam Supper, and then all you cats and catted ones will get your invites.

Yours truly,

Our friend Darcy has surfaced again at Generic Confusion: Carnival of the Vanities #195, where Greg from Indiana says he was born in the Year of the Tiger. We knew there was something about that guy. Greg says:

Darcy X attacks spam in A weigh with the words, posted at Catymology. A serious cat doesn't want to know about your new painkiller or limited time giveaway!

I told Darcy to keep out of my spam filter, but would he listen?

Now If you'll excuse me, I've got to get on my thingpod (as Darcy calls it) and goggle up [sic] some more Spam recipes for the First Annual Spam Dinner at the Church of Catymology.

Not that I ever gave the matter of catblogging much thought, mind you, but during the few seconds that I actually did, I rapidly concluded that there was only one subject of catblogging- cats!. Turns out there are actually four. I guess I am not the deep thinker I thought I was!

So says Starling Hunter, who presents this week's BOMS at The Business of America is Business, including "The Four Subjects of Catblogging."

Don’t miss today’s Friday Ark at Modulator. And on Sunday the divine Gigolo Kitty will be hosting the Carnival of the Cats.

Tags: catymology cats roses poetry

I'm not old enough in human years to remember the salad days of the small press, but amanuensis says that humans were passing out free copies of their friends' poems and their own on every street corner. Sort of reminds you of blog carnivals, doesn't it?

the skwib » The Carnival of Satire (#37) has Darcy's riff on Spam/spam and a meat counter full of juicy funny stuff. Darcy's grammar may be a little fishy, and he may spend too much time with his head in the litterbox, but he's sort of cute, isn't he?

This weeks' Carnival of the Vanities over at Punny Money is a real lollapalooza. Catymology Central isn't represented, but we'll be back next week. And, cats and catted ones, the Carnival needs hosts. Go on over to Zeuswood's site at Harshly Mellow and sign up, already.

As over 900,000 human and some 1,000,000 felines have already posted, June is National Adopt a Shelter Cat Month. Just thought you'd like to know.


catymology cats adoption

With the roses still blooming profusely, Professor Katz declined to provide a mew of inspiration for today’s post. Once again, I turn this blog over to our friend Darcy X.

Yo, cats and catted ones!

My trip to Hawaii opened my eyes on a hole new thing. Spam, as I wrote then, rolls on. But I gotta say, that stuff is stone crazy stuff. I can’t get enough of it. Luckily, I spent the last week at a sweet little spam spa right here in Saint Paul, Minn. Called Aunt Hattie’s House-o-Spam. Man, it was raining Spam. And in my heavenly Spam palace, I did reach enlightenment.

Big revelation: Katz ain’t the only educated feline in the blogoverse. He’s maybe got a M.F.A. and a mortarboard, but I got a weigh with the words. Just today, I dug up some new ones and here I’m gonna use them.

Today’s word: Fisking. As in, fisking the spam. I ain’t never gonna get my own email ‘dress and here’s why. I got a look in Katz’s in-box and this is what I saw:


cbooks@rock.com American Business Database Available 06/08/2006 2 KB
Can I get Spam with that?

Tim Karr, FreePress.net Spare a Moment. Save the Internet 10:17:10 AM 14 KB
Free the spam! Free the spam!

Melody Parham automatic dollop lapelled ignite 11:13:13 AM 1 KB
There was that human—what’s is name? Lautréamont! Who said, roughly speaking, “poetry must be made by spam.” Except, course, he said it in French.

Robert Allen Right out of The Regis Studio Audience 09:56:38 AM 4 KB
Let me out of the studio. My bottom line is hittin’ the roof.

eBay Account Message from eBay member 09:38:13 AM 14 KB
Operators are standing by to take your call.

JCPenney This survey will reward you with a $5... 09:35:03 AM 6 KB
I don’t work for no measly $5.

Maritza Bartley taxi waybill draw 09:56:43 AM 1 KB
Finish this this pome and win big.

Plasma.VS.LCD Makes Everything More Entertaining to Watch. Even figure skating. 07:14:16 AM 5 KB
That’s good to know. I usually watch on the toaster.

Estella Moran Jefferson told reporters Monday, " I believe that it's completely inappropriate to use the police of the federal government to come into the office." 12:38:07 AM 1 KB
Now you’re talking, Jefferson. So, can I apply for a mortgage now?

Cassandra Ramirez The affidavit identified the informant only as a Virginia resident who headed an "educational technology philanthropic foundation." However, a government official told CNN on Monday that the informant was a businesswoman named Lori Moody. 12:10:19 AM 1 KB
Kelly Knowles The affidavit identified the informant... 11:37:09 PM 2 KB
Humans keep repeating themselves, despite warnings. Hey, I really need that mortgage.

Bradly Slaughter The Dutch prosecutors office said Wever is "still under suspicion but will not be held in custody." He will also have to make himself available for questioning. 11:08:47 PM 1 KB
This Slaughter dude has a sick brain. Wever, if was you I’d get outta town, mortgage or no mortgage.

James Wise As part of an ongoing investigation for an upcoming "CNN Presents" on the New Orleans Police Department, CNN had sued the coroner of Orleans Parish to try to get official access to the autopsy report. At a court hearing on that lawsuit in New Orleans a week ago, the coroner, Dr. Frank Minyard, verified the handwritten autopsy report obtained elsewhere by CNN was indeed prepared in his office by a pathologist on his staff who listed the wounds in the victim's right back. 06/06/2006 2 KB
It'd be easier to use a note pad, or something, don’t ya think?

IBMthinkPad REDEEM A BRAND NEW THINKPAD. 06/06/2006 4 KB
Or one of those thingpods.

GOT E.P.H.E.D.R.A! LOSE W E I G H T IN TWO DAYS. ORDE... 06/06/2006 5 KB
I'll get back to you after lunch.

Barnes & Noble.com This Week - Exclusive Coupons, Anders... 06/06/2006 29 KB
Send ‘em to Katz. I got too much to read already.

-Happyhouroffer.Newsletter FREE* Gillette Fusion Power Razor 06/06/2006 4 KB
That sounds darn painful.

HairREST0RATION Free Video Tape on Hair Restoration 06/06/2006 5 KB
I told you to stay away from the fusion razor, but you never listen to me.

Amazon.com Order Now for Father's Day at Amazon.com 06/06/2006 37 KB
Sorry, my old man got smashed by a Jaguar. He was in Belize at the time.

Terrell Swain make shopping for meds easy 06/06/2006 934 B
Easier than whopping a Jaguar.

mock cadex *****Congratulations You Are A Winner... 06/05/2006 5 KB
Mock away. I always win, sooner or later.

Dianne Valentine Which sleep go numinous prosperous 06/05/2006 14 KB
Aha, the third line of the pome.

Allison Neely stopgap dickson 06/05/2006 1 KB
Line 4! You're out.

Autumn Watkins suntan tim kingsbury 06/05/2006 1 KB
Okey dokey. That does it. You're really outta here.

FREE Gas Giveaway Limited qty left -- claim yours now 6/05/2006 3 KB
No, thanks, I got gas already.

Walgreens Prescriptions Ready at Walgreens 06/05/2006 2 KB
Whoops! Gotta run!

Tacjammer has come up with an ingenious new concept for the Carnival of the Cats: musical accompaniment! My song is "Wherever You Are" by The Moody Blues.

The ever-clever Gary Cruse fashions the Florence King Edition of the Best of Me Symphony, including amanuensis’ post about Darcy’s wedding. I was confused by the subtitle: The Immorality Explosion. Really, Darcy is just trying to live his life in feline bliss.

The last few days have been quite an adventure, and today was no exception.

On Tuesday, I violated my own workplace rules, when I almost worked my tail off putting together the Carnival of the Vanities. That's a real danger for a feline--unless you're a Manx. What would I do without my big, bushy tail?

Amanuensis had agreed to answer all the fan mail that arrived after the Carnival. (I'm so glad that I have amanuensis; every cat should have a private secretary.) So this morning I decided to just roll around on the patio for a while. But then the lawn guy came with a big, loud machine to cut the grass, and amanuensis made me come in.

After the lawn guy left, I got out again, but guess what? The gate wasn't latched! Amanuensis had some more work to do, and she didn't check the gate.

Now, I don't claim to be a world traveler like Darcy Xenophon, but I do like to lurk around the neighbors' house. They have a veritable jungle over there; when I can hide in their bushes, I feel just like a big wildcat.

After about an hour, amanuensis realized that the gate was open and came to get me. After a bit of an argument, I decided that it was better to go back in the yard by myself and avoid the ultimate indignity--being picked up and carried.

Once I was back in my own back yard, I just had to stop and smell the roses. Come to think of it, those lovely pink roses are more flattering to my fur than the weeds in the neighbors' yard. Now if I can just convince my humans to plant some catnip . . . and maybe hire a doorman.



If you're not too busy being a cat, check out Friday Ark at Modulator. On Sunday, the Carnival of the Cats will be at Tacjammer.


Tags: catymology cats

The Skwib has the latest Carnival of Satire, featuring Bruce Springsteen. I was too tuckered out to submit anything this week, after hosting the Carnival of the Vanities. Fortunately, our friends at Catnabbit dished up some furry stuff. Next week will be different.